"You should message me if" — OkCupid answers that work
DatingBy Bhupendra Singh Chauhan · Updated August 4, 2026
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How to answer "You should message me if" on OkCupid
This is the closest thing OkCupid gives you to a call to action, and most people waste it by listing who should not message them. The strongest answers do two jobs at once: they signal the kind of person you actually want to hear from, and they hand that person an obvious first line so nobody has to invent an opener from nothing.
120+ ready-to-copy "You should message me if" answers
Tap any line to copy. Pick a strategy chip to filter by angle. Edit before pasting — verbatim copies read flatter.
absurd then true · 15
emotionally revealing · 15
escalating stakes · 15
low stakes confession · 15
playful misdirection · 15
sensory anchor · 15
specific detail · 15
tonal range · 15
Three "You should message me if" answers that work
You hold strong opinions about unimportant things. Tell me the correct route across the city, or why your local bakery is overrated.
Why it works: Names a real trait, then supplies two ready-made openers. The reader does not have to think of anything — they already have a message, which is the entire job of this section.
You want someone to go to the thing with. The gig on a Tuesday, the weird exhibition, the restaurant that just opened. I am almost always up for it.
Why it works: Describes a shared way of spending time rather than a personality checklist. Anyone who recognises themselves in it knows immediately what to suggest, so the first message writes itself.
You are also bad at texting but good at showing up. I would rather have a short chat and a real plan than three weeks of good morning messages.
Why it works: States a genuine preference about how dating should work, which filters honestly without sounding like a rule. It also quietly tells the reader that suggesting a plan early will be welcome.
Three that fall flat
You are not here for games, no hookups, no drama, and please do not message me if you cannot hold a conversation.
Why it falls flat: Four things the answerer does not want and nothing they do. It reads as a list of past bad experiences, which makes the reader feel pre-suspected before they have said anything.
You are between 25 and 32, taller than me, and have a stable career.
Why it falls flat: Turns the section into a specification. Even readers who meet every criterion tend not to message, because being screened on paper is an unpleasant way to start and says nothing about the person screening.
You seem nice, normal and have a good sense of humour.
Why it falls flat: Excludes nobody, so it does no filtering, and offers no hook, so it does no inviting. The reader finishes the sentence knowing nothing new and still has to invent an opener themselves.
Write it as an invitation, not a filter. Name one real trait or shared way of spending time, then give the reader something concrete to say back — a question they can answer, an opinion they can disagree with, a plan they can suggest. That second half is what most answers miss, and it is why they get no messages. Avoid the two common traps: listing what you do not want, which reads as a catalogue of past disappointments, and stating criteria so broad that nobody is excluded and nobody is invited either.
Common questions
What should I write for "You should message me if" on OkCupid?
Name one genuine trait and then hand the reader an opener. A question they can answer or an opinion they can argue with does more than any list of requirements, because it removes the work of inventing a first message.
Should I list what I do not want in this section?
Avoid it. A list of no drama and no games reads as a record of past disappointments, and it makes readers feel suspected before they have written anything. State what you do want instead.
Why is nobody messaging me on OkCupid?
Often because this section gives no hook. If it only describes qualities, a reader who likes your profile still has to invent an opener from nothing. Adding one concrete question or opinion usually fixes it.
All 53 OkCupid profile questions
Every question OkCupid offers, grouped into the app's own nine sections, each with a sample answer you can copy.
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