The funny opener
that works because it’s clever,
not because it’s a line.

Your profile is the dating-app equivalent of a really well-edited highlight reel. I'm impressed and suspicious.

Your dog looks like he runs the household. You're just along for the ride. Respect.

You give 'guy who has strong opinions about a band no one else has heard of' energy. Tell me more.

You look like you could build a shelf without instructions, and it would only be slightly crooked.

Your photos give off a 'casually good at every single bar game' vibe. Is it true?

You seem like the type of guy who knows which remote control does what. A dying art.

Your bio gives me 'has an unshakeable opinion on the best way to cook a steak' vibes.

You seem like you'd be the designated spider-remover in any relationship. A noble calling.

You give off 'knows a surprisingly good fun fact about sharks' energy. Am I wrong?

You look like the kind of guy who could fix a leaky faucet with just a YouTube tutorial.

Your profile has the quiet competence of a man who knows how to pack a car for a road trip.

You look like you'd be a surprisingly competitive board game player. Prove me right.

You give off the energy of someone who would survive a camping trip without complaining once.

Your photos look like they were taken by a friend who is also a professional hype man.

I'm aware my opening lines are 60% terrible. You got one of the other 40%. Be grateful.

I usually don't message first. But you broke me. Send help.

My standards are alphabetically organized and you've already passed the H section. Strong start.

My bio is a lie, I'm not that interesting. Your turn to impress me over drinks.

My thumb swiped right before my brain could stop it. Now you have to take me out.

I’ve exhausted my entire supply of charm just writing this. Your turn to carry the conversation to a bar.

Honestly, I'm just here to see if you're as cool as your photos. Let's find out over a beer.

I am notoriously bad at this part. So just tell me when you’re free for that drink.

I'm terrible at making the first move. How did I do? Be honest over a beer.

I'm running out of creative ways to say 'let's go out'. So... let's go out.

My attempt at being smooth is messaging you. You have to do the heavy lifting and ask me out.

I'm usually more mysterious. Your profile made me break character. What's your Friday look like?

I'm sacrificing my perfect track record of not messaging first for you. Be impressed.

This is the best I could come up with. The bar is low, your move.

I'm trying to be forward, but I'm also awkward. Anyway, drinks on Thursday?

My dating app strategy is pure chaos. Your strategy should be asking for my number.

You give 'guy who has a controversial top-5 Tarantino ranking' energy. Defend it.

Your aesthetic reads like Anthony Bourdain would not have hated you. High bar, well met.

Your bio sounds like it was written by someone who's seen the obscure horror movie. I trust you.

Getting some serious 'early seasons of The Office' charm from your profile. I like it.

You look like you'd have an impeccable playlist for a John Hughes movie montage.

You give off 'knows all the words to an early 2000s Blink-182 song' energy. Prove it.

I bet you have a well-reasoned opinion on which James Bond is the best. Let's hear it.

You have the energy of a guy who could recommend a genuinely good A24 horror movie.

Getting a strong 'would survive a season of The Last of Us' vibe from you.

I'm guessing your favorite video game soundtrack is better than most movie scores.

You look like you'd be really good at bar trivia, specifically the '90s music round.

I trust your restaurant recommendations as much as I'd trust Stanley Tucci's. Don't let me down.

Your profile feels like a well-curated Spotify playlist from 2014. In a good way.

You look like a guy who would enjoy a deep dive into the 'Red Dead Redemption' lore.

You have the confident air of someone who has definitely seen 'Blade Runner' more than once.

Your photos look like stills from a well-shot documentary about an obscure hobby.

You seem like you could debate the merits of Star Wars versus Star Trek for hours.

I'm betting you have a very strong take on the final season of Game of Thrones.

You look like the guy in a heist movie who handles the tech but is also surprisingly cool.

The algorithm thinks we should date. I'm not one to argue with math.

Your bio is the first today that doesn't read like 'looking for someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously.' Refreshing.

I matched with you and immediately closed the app. Mission complete, retiring undefeated.

This app is 90% bad bios and 10% you. So when are you taking me out?

I think we just won the dating app lottery. Let's go collect our prize: a drink.

I’m ignoring all my other matches for you. No pressure, but let’s get a drink.

Congratulations, you’ve reached the final boss of this dating app. Drinks to celebrate?

I am contractually obligated by the app to say something charming. How's 'drinks Friday?

I'm trying to beat my record for fastest time from match to date. Your move.

Your profile passed the initial screening. Now for the in-person chemistry test.

I'm willing to test your 'I make a great first date' bio claim. Wednesday?

If your hiking photos aren't lying, you owe me a trail recommendation. Followed by a drink.

Your confidence is doing a lot of work in this profile. Test it on me — drinks Friday?

That fish in your photo is impressive. Are your date-planning skills as good?

Your dog seems to approve of you. I'll need to verify his judgment over a beer.

You claim to be a great cook. I'll be the judge of that. Dinner anytime soon?

That travel photo is great, but does your personality live up to the scenery? Let's find out.

Your bio says you're funny. Let's see if you can make me laugh in person this week.

Love the guitar. Can you play 'Wonderwall'? Kidding. Mostly. Let's get drinks.

Your rock climbing photo makes you look brave. Brave enough to ask for my number?

You list 'sarcasm' as a skill. Impress me with it over a beer sometime soon.

Your claim about making the best old fashioned is a big one. I require proof.

That confident smirk in your second photo needs to be cross-examined in person. You free Tuesday?

That concert photo is cool. I'll trade you a story about my last show for a drink.

I'm skeptical of anyone who claims to enjoy running. Defend your hobby to me over a beer.

Your trivia night boast is noted. I challenge you to a one-on-one round. Loser buys drinks.

Your cat looks very judgmental. I'd like to win its approval. Let's strategize over drinks.

You seem to have your life suspiciously together. I need to investigate this over a beer.