Hilarious pick up lines
that land as a real joke,
not just a line.

My therapist said I should reach out to one cute person today. Congratulations, it's you.

I lost a bet that required me to be honest with one stranger today. The honest thing is: hi, your beard is doing the heavy lifting.

I was going to send a normal opener and then I remembered I have a personality. So.

Are you a Home Depot? Because you look like you have everything I need for my next big project.

Are you a limited-edition sneaker drop? Because I feel like I got incredibly lucky matching with you.

Are you a really good dad joke? Because you seem cheesy on the surface, but I can't help but smile.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got 'fine' written all over you. Wait, that's a classic. My bad.

Are you a history book? Because I have a strong feeling we could make some significant dates.

Are you a well-written instruction manual? Because you seem straightforward and like you'd solve all my problems.

Are you an Allen wrench? Because I have a feeling you're the key to putting something great together.

Are you a top-tier fantasy football pick? Because you seem like a risk that could have a huge payoff.

Are you a secret government file? Because I'm finding you incredibly compelling and slightly intimidating.

Are you a perfectly grilled steak? Because you're a rare find and well done at the same time.

Are you a new power tool? Because I don't technically need you, but I really, really want you.

Are you a well-stocked fridge? Because you look full of good stuff and I'm interested in what you have to offer.

I've narrowed my pickup strategy to 'be hot.' Not been working. So: option B, hi.

I have a strict rule about not messaging strangers. The rule has one exception. Currently in use.

I'd say I'm out of your league but you're in the majors. I'm in beer-league softball. Hi anyway.

Are you a flight of craft beers? Because you look interesting, varied, and I'd like to sample the whole set.

Are you a hazy IPA? Because you're incredibly popular right now and I totally get the hype.

Are you a perfectly smoked brisket? Because seeing your profile required a lot of patience, but it looks worth it.

Are you a brewery tour? Because I'm intrigued and would love for you to show me all the highlights.

Are you the last pint on a Friday? Because you look like the perfect way to end my week of searching.

Are you a proprietary hop blend? Because you seem unique and I can't find anything like you anywhere else.

Are you a growler of my favorite stout? Because I want to take you home and not share you with anyone.

Are you a barbecue pitmaster? Because you've clearly perfected the art of making things look smoking hot.

Are you that brewery dog everyone loves? Because you're clearly the main attraction and have great hair.

Are you an open bar tab? Because you seem way too good to be true and I'm slightly suspicious.

Are you a beer garden on a sunny day? Because you give off seriously happy and relaxed vibes.

Are you a new seasonal ale? Because I'm excited to find out what you're all about before you're gone.

Are you a dry-aged ribeye? Because you look like a high-quality man who has his life together.

Are you a food truck festival? Because you seem to have a lot of great options to choose from.

Are you a single-origin coffee? No wait, wrong reference. You're a single-hop IPA. Distinct and impressive.

Are you a happy hour special? Because seeing you pop up felt like an unexpected and very welcome deal.

Are you a secret BBQ sauce recipe? Because I have a feeling you're amazing and I'd love to know more.

Are you a well-curated tap list? Because your profile seems to have absolutely no bad options.

Are you the last clean pint glass behind the bar? Because you're a rare find when I need one most.

Are you the pretzel necklace guy at a beer festival? Because you seem prepared, fun, and a little bit goofy.

Are you an award-winning homebrew? Because you look like a lot of care and good taste went into you.

Are you a keg stand? Because you've turned my world upside down in a fun, slightly reckless way.

I've been mentally writing your bio in my head and I think yours is better. Slight loss for me, win overall.

I have 7 unread matches and I'm prioritizing you. Take the win.

Statistically, we've already been hiking together in three parallel universes. Just catching this one up.

Our first date will be a light hike to a scenic overlook. Don't worry, I've already packed us snacks.

I've cross-referenced your hiking photos with my trail maps. Our paths were destined to cross. It's science.

I'm cancelling my backpacking trip this weekend on the assumption you're free for a date. Don't let me down.

My internal compass is pointing directly at your profile. We have to go out now, it's a law of nature.

I've already told my friends we're going camping next month. You can bring the tent, I've got the ghost stories.

Your profile has better views than the last three summits I climbed. And my standards for views are very high.

The local search and rescue team just called. They said I've finally found what I was looking for.

Let's skip the small talk and get to the part where we're that annoying couple on top of a mountain.

I had a dream we got lost in the woods together and it was great. So, when are you available for a real-life test?

I'm pretty sure my spirit animal is a bear, and it's telling me your profile is where the good trail mix is.

If we go hiking, I promise I can identify at least three types of trees. That's a first-date guarantee.

Breaking news: Local woman matches with man whose adventure level is finally compatible. That's us.

I'm not saying it's fate, but I was just looking for new hiking boots and then your profile appeared.

I've already planned our first three adventure dates. Your only job is to show up and try to keep up.

My five-year plan now includes a handsome hiking partner. No pressure, but auditions are closing soon.

You're clearly an outdoors expert. I'm an expert at witty banter. We are a perfectly balanced team.

Congratulations. You have been selected as my adventure buddy for the foreseeable future. The ceremony is Friday.

That mountain in your photo is impressive, but our conversation will be a higher peak. I'm confident.

You've passed the initial screening. The next round is a coffee to discuss our summit strategy. Be ready.

I had 14 openers prepared. Using none. Panic-improv version. Hi.

Disclaimer: this is my A-material. If we end up dating I'll have nothing left.

I'm aware sending this is statistically a bad bet. Also bad at statistics. So.

My bio is a carefully curated work of fiction. I assume yours is too. Let's compare notes on our best material.

The algorithm did its job. Now it's our turn to be charming and slightly awkward for a few messages.

We matched, which means you passed my rigorous, two-second profile evaluation with flying colors. Congratulations.

I'm supposed to say something witty now. Please just pretend I did so we can get to the good part.

Let's be honest, we're just trying to find someone who won't judge our streaming history. Or is that just me?

I have officially run out of interesting ways to say 'hey'. So I'm just going to say it with immense confidence. Hey.

My thumb swiped right before my brain could overthink it. Now the pressure is on you to be interesting.

This is the part where I try to distill my entire personality into one charming sentence. How'd I do?

I have a feeling you get a lot of matches, so I'm just here to disrupt your notification patterns. You're welcome.

My friends said my opening lines were terrible. I'm crowdsourcing a new one from you. What should I have said?

I promise my personality is more interesting than the fact that we both swiped right on a phone screen.

We matched. So either you have great taste or we both have low standards. Let's find out which it is.

My 'about me' is a lie and my photos are three years old. Your turn to confess something.

Based on your bio, you seem surprisingly normal. I'm hoping to ruin that impression immediately.

Your photos are arranged like you'd pass a personality test on Tuesday afternoon. Respect the rigor.

Your bio uses an em-dash. Not going to recover. Hi.

I've decided your profile is my favorite of the week. The election was unanimous (I was the only voter).

That vinyl collection in the background tells me you have excellent taste or just really like cool-looking coasters.

Your guitar is positioned in that photo like it's your primary emotional support object. I can respect that.

The power drill in your second photo has a look of quiet competence. I assume it's a family trait.

Is that a table you built? It looks sturdy enough to survive a minor apocalypse. Color me impressed.

Your workshop looks so organized. My single junk drawer is now officially intimidated by you.

You holding a guitar is great, but can you play the forbidden riff at a guitar store? It's a dealbreaker.

The way you're holding that sander suggests a deep, spiritual connection to woodworking. I'm into it.

I see you have a record player. I'm judging your entire personality based on what's currently spinning.

That's a nice looking saw. I bet you could build a pretty solid bookshelf, or a very small, leaky raft.

Your tool wall is arranged with the precision of a surgeon. A very handsome, and probably dusty, surgeon.

I bet you know the difference between a Phillips and a flathead. This is me shooting my shot.

The look of concentration on your face while you're DIY-ing is Oscar-worthy. What were you building?

You and that bass guitar look like you're about to solve mysteries in a van. What's our first case?