Weird pick up lines
that land as confident,
not just as strange.

You have the energy of someone who knows the names of their houseplants. Respect.

Your bio reads like the captions in a documentary about you. Please continue.

I've been studying your photos with the focus normally reserved for tax returns. Please advise.

You seem like the sort of person who returns their shopping cart to the proper place. Very admirable.

You have the smile of someone who secretly knows the best place for coffee in this city.

You look like you'd be really good at assembling flat-pack furniture without getting frustrated.

You seem like you would give excellent, unsolicited advice to a bird.

You look like you have a favorite type of cloud. I'm intrigued.

You have the calm aura of someone who has never accidentally put salt in their coffee.

You give off the energy of someone who is surprisingly good at parallel parking.

You seem like the kind of person who has a very organized spice rack. This is a compliment.

You look like you'd know exactly what to do during a minor zombie apocalypse.

You have the posture of someone who has won an argument against a GPS.

You look like you'd be a considerate ghost, if you were one.

You have a look that says you've successfully kept a succulent alive for more than a year.

You seem like you could narrate a nature documentary with very little preparation.

You give off the vibe of someone who remembers everyone's birthday without using social media.

You look like the kind of person who could correctly guess the number of jellybeans in a jar.

You have the exact energy of a well-written, slightly mysterious email.

You seem like you could tell a story that would make a cat stop and listen.

You look like someone who knows a fun fact about every single animal.

You have the confident gaze of someone who always chooses the right checkout line at the store.

You seem like the type who would befriend a librarian just to get book recommendations.

I have strong opinions about pigeons. I feel you'd want to know upfront.

I've been awake for 3 hours and I've already thought about you twice. This is a complaint.

I once dreamt I was a sandwich. I woke up hungry. That's not relevant. I just thought you should know.

I have a recurring dream where I'm a traffic cone. Just putting that out there early.

I'm pretty sure my dog told me to swipe right. He's usually a good judge of character.

My brain has filed your profile under 'extremely interesting.' The filing system is very serious.

I almost sent you a terrible pun. I am showing immense restraint right now. You're welcome.

I am convinced that socks are sentient and I feel you'd understand this.

I showed your profile to my plants. They approved. Their standards are surprisingly high.

Honestly, I'm just trying to find someone who will watch strange documentaries with me at 2 AM.

I've already imagined three different conversations we could have. This is the fourth.

I have a theory that all squirrels are part of a global conspiracy. I thought you should know.

I'm not saying I'm a psychic, but I had a feeling we'd match.

I just ate a whole bag of chips while looking at your profile. This feels like a confession.

I'm currently wearing two different socks. I feel this is a core part of my personality.

I just had a debate with myself on the best way to start this chat. I lost.

I have a playlist for every possible mood, including 'just matched with someone cool.

My internal monologue saw your profile and just said, 'Yep. That one.

I talk to my microwave sometimes. I just wanted to be transparent about that.

I feel like our combined weirdness could be a formidable force for good. Or something.

Statistically, we've been dating in three alternate universes already. Please confirm.

According to my notes (I have notes), you should be receiving this message right now.

I've decided you're my favorite person on this app today. The election was unanimous. I was the only voter.

I have it on good authority that we're supposed to be discussing our favorite conspiracy theories right now.

My future self sent me a message. It just said 'Talk to them.' So, here I am.

I'm fairly certain our combined brainpower could solve at least one global mystery. Let's start with this one.

I've done the math, and the probability of us not getting along is statistically insignificant.

I'm declaring this a match of historical significance. A plaque will be commissioned later.

I'm from the future. We're very happy together. I've come back to initiate the timeline.

This is an official inquiry. I've been tasked with determining if you are, in fact, as cool as you seem.

A panel of experts (me and my cat) has concluded that we should talk. The decision is final.

Based on my calculations, we are an 87% match for a successful heist. Or a date.

I'm conducting a very important social experiment and you are the key variable.

I'm convinced we were friends in a past life. Probably confused alchemists or something.

I've taken a poll, and 100% of respondents (me) think you should reply to this.

It has come to my attention that you and I are contractually obligated to have a conversation.

I've analyzed the data. The conclusion is that we're supposed to get coffee.

I'm pretty sure we're destined to have at least one slightly awkward but memorable date.

A reliable source informed me that you are the most interesting person here. The source was me.

I've decided we're skipping the small talk and going straight to debating the best type of potato.

Hi. Anyway, what's your favorite cheese?

Quick thought: bees know what they're doing. Discuss.

I had a fully-formed thought about you and then I forgot it. Hi anyway.

Alright, I've got a great opener but I'm saving it for our third conversation. Hi.

Do you think penguins have a favorite song? This is important.

I was going to ask about your weekend, but let's just assume it was good. What's for dinner?

So I was thinking about the Roman Empire, as one does, and then I saw your profile.

My brain told me to say something clever, but my fingers typed this instead.

I had a clever opening line, but my cat walked across the keyboard and deleted it.

Hypothetically, if we were both characters in a movie, what would our theme music be?

Okay, I'm just going to skip to the part where we're comfortable enough to be weird.

I can't decide if garden gnomes are charming or deeply unsettling. Your opinion is required.

If animals could talk, which species would be the rudest? I have a theory.

I'm supposed to say something charming, but I'm distracted by wondering if octopuses are lonely.

My dog says hi. He's not here right now, but I can feel his spiritual approval.

Forget the small talk. What's the most useless talent you have?

What's the weirdest food combination you secretly enjoy? No judgment here.

So, I have this theory about why birds suddenly appear. It's not because you're near.

I've decided to be direct. This is me being direct. Hello.

The app sent me a notification saying you exist. I was understandably suspicious. Confirming now.

I told the algorithm what I wanted. It sent you. The algorithm is showing off.

I matched with you and immediately rearranged my entire personality. Manageable.

The little notification telling me we matched was the highlight of my phone's day.

I swiped right so fast I think I sprained my thumb. This is a formal request for sympathy.

I was about to delete this app, but then the algorithm played its final, brilliant card.

Our profiles looked at each other and nodded. I'm just the messenger.

I have stared at the 'send a message' box for an unreasonable amount of time. This is the result.

I'm pretty sure our mutual right swipe just created a tiny, positive ripple in the space-time continuum.

I've analyzed your profile with the dedication of a detective. My conclusion: we should talk.

The app said 'It's a Match!' and my phone lit up like it was witnessing a historic event.