The bad pick up line
as a deliberate choice,
not a failure of taste.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got 'fine' written all over you.

Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Asking for science.

Are you a 45-degree angle? Because you're a-cute one. A math joke, you're welcome.

Are you a broom? Because you have absolutely swept me off my feet.

Do you play soccer? Because you look like a keeper to me.

Do you work at a coffee shop? Because you're brewing some serious feelings in me.

You're like my favorite playlist — repetitive in the best way.

You're the human version of finding $20 in last winter's coat. Unexpected and welcome.

You're prettier than my future. That's not a high bar but still.

Are you my laptop after an hour of use? Because you're surprisingly hot and I'm a little concerned.

Are you a good meme? Because I don't totally understand you, but I want to show you to my friends.

Are you a weekday morning? Because you're a pleasant surprise I was not at all prepared for.

Is this a reality TV show? Because I'm way too invested in your profile for my own good.

Are you my car's check engine light? Because you have my full attention for reasons I don't understand.

Are you my phone at 10% battery? Because talking to you is a risk I'm absolutely willing to take.

Are you a pop-up ad? Because you're distracting in a way that is surprisingly effective.

Are you a Rubik's cube? Because you seem complicated and I'm pretty sure you're going to frustrate me.

Are you a perfect avocado? Because you seem great right now but I'm worried this will go bad very quickly.

Are you my refrigerator? Because you're very cool, but I keep coming back hoping for something new.

Are you a high-five? Because you seem really fun but I'm not entirely sure how to initiate this.

If you were a pizza, you'd be a supreme with extra cheese. And that's a high compliment.

Are you 90% water? Because I'm thirsty and I'm bad at chemistry.

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber. I'm sorry.

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te. The periodic table did this.

According to my calculations, which I did on a napkin, we have a 100% chance of being a good match.

I just did the math. If you're a 10 and I'm a 10, that makes us a 20. This app can't handle it.

My psychic told me to message you. Her track record is mixed, but I'm an optimist.

I polled my two houseplants, and they agree we should go out. They have excellent judgment.

I have a working theory that your profile violates at least three laws of physics. Let's discuss it over a drink.

We matched, which proves the simulation we're living in wants to see what happens next.

I'm 80% coffee and 20% bad ideas. My next bad idea is asking you out. It feels right.

My dog chose your profile. He has great taste in people and terrible taste in what he eats off the sidewalk.

I'm accepting applications for a co-pilot. The only requirement is tolerating bad jokes. You're pre-approved.

By the transitive property of coolness, since we matched, we are now required to have a conversation. I don't make the rules.

A little bird told me you were awesome. It was a pigeon, but I'm a pretty good interpreter.

I had a dream we went on a date, so you're now legally obligated to make it happen. It's dream law.

They say nothing is perfect, but they've never seen our match percentage, which I just invented. It's very high.

I just consulted the stars, and they said 'ask that person out before your phone dies.' They're very practical.

Our matching has clearly upset the cosmic balance. We must go on a date to restore order to the universe.

If you rearrange the letters in your name, you get 'a cute person.' I haven't checked, but my gut is never wrong.

My phone got warmer when your profile appeared. This is science.

We matched, so we're basically already dating. Where are we going this weekend?

Are you Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection. (Yes I know.)

Are you a bank loan? Because you've got my interest.

I'm not a photographer but I can picture us together. That was bad. Continuing anyway.

You must be made of cheese. Because you're looking Gouda tonight. That's the best I've got.

I'm pretty good at algebra. I can replace your X and you wouldn't even have to ask Y.

Are you a gardener? Because I'm digging your vibe. This is me trying my best.

Are you from Switzerland? Because your profile is a huge green flag. I'm committing to this one.

Do you have a pencil? Because I want to erase your past and write our future. I'll wait for the applause.

Forget hydrogen, you're my number one element. And that's a periodic table fact.

Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you. That's a top-tier science joke.

I was going to tell you a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy. So is this line.

Are you a sea lion? Because I can sea-lion you in my future. You're welcome.

If you were a Transformer, you'd be Optimus Fine. I will not be taking questions at this time.

I'd tell you a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it. This is my placeholder.

This is the worst opener I have. I'm leading with it for honesty reasons.

I have 3 good openers and 47 bad ones. You got a bad one. Statistically expected.

Hi — disclaimer, the next line is bad on purpose. Are you a magician? Because every time I look at this app, everyone else disappears.

I have a very cheesy pickup line ready to go. Let me know if you want to hear it. This is your only warning.

My bio says 'good at conversation' but I've been staring at this chat for ten minutes. How's it going?

Congratulations, you've won one free conversation with me. Your prize is redeemable immediately.

I'm just trying to get enough witty dating app messages to publish a memoir. This one is going in chapter one.

My great opening line is still in beta testing. You're getting this placeholder message instead. Hi.

I could have sent a generic 'hey,' but I wanted to show you I put in slightly more effort than that.

I read a blog post that said to open with a question, so... what's the Wi-Fi password here?

I'm not saying you're out of my league, but our match notification did make my phone freeze for a second.

This is the text equivalent of an awkward wave from across the room. Consider yourself waved at.

I was going to wait for you to message first, but my impatience won. You're welcome.

The algorithm thinks we're compatible. We now have a moral obligation to see if it's right.

I have three openers: one good, one bad, one weird. You can choose which one you want to hear next.

I'm sending this message to prove to my friends that I can take initiative. Please reply for their sake.