Dirty pick up lines
for the one you already have,
not the one you want.

I'd help you with anything tonight. Anything anything. (Reminder.)

My evening is wide open. The version of me who could spend it with you is asking.

I had plans for tonight. They got canceled. They got canceled because I thought of you.

I'm making a list of things to do tonight. You're on it twice.

Thinking about all the trouble we could get into later. The good kind, obviously.

I saved you the last piece of cake, but I might have a better dessert in mind.

Just letting you know, I'm feeling particularly helpful today if you need anything at all.

I think our couch is missing something. Us, and a movie we won't pay attention to.

Are you busy later? I was hoping you could help me with a project that requires two people.

My bed feels awfully big when you're not in it. Just a factual observation.

I'm picking an outfit for later. Let me know if you have any special requests.

We should probably stay in tonight. We have some very important things to attend to.

I'm bored. Come over and we can be bored together. Or find something else to do.

I just bought that snack you like. It's not the only snack in the house, though.

I think you left something at my place. Your t-shirt, and my undivided attention.

My place or yours? I'm asking about dinner, of course. What did you think I meant?

I've got a bottle of wine and a very compelling reason to open it with you tonight.

Do you need help carrying anything heavy? Because I'm happy to give you a hand.

Let's skip dinner and go straight for dessert. I already know what I want.

I'm trying to conserve energy today. So let's just stay on the couch all night.

I think we both deserve an early night. For... resting.

I'm feeling mischievous. Are you going to be my partner in crime tonight?

I got us that new board game. I'm not sure I want to play by the rules, though.

Quick question — what are you doing tonight? Asking for two reasons.

Soft ask — dinner Thursday? I'll wear the thing you like.

Be honest — are you up to anything you shouldn't be tonight? Asking for both of us.

Serious question: are you free Friday, or do I need to clear your schedule for you?

What's your schedule looking like this week? I'm finding the best time to distract you.

Are we doing anything important tonight, or can I convince you to be irresponsible with me?

How do you feel about a spontaneous date night? Your only job is to show up looking good.

Dinner tonight? Don't worry, I have ulterior motives that involve dessert later.

Are you in the mood for Italian, Mexican, or just me?

I need a co-conspirator for some fun tonight. Are you in or are you in?

Is tonight a 'stay in' night or a 'get dressed up' night? I have ideas for both.

Can I borrow you for a few hours tonight? I promise to return you. Eventually.

Quick poll: should we go out and be social or stay in and be antisocial together?

Are you busy, or can I tempt you with dinner and a movie we'll definitely ignore?

Be honest, what would it take to get you all to myself for an entire evening?

Reminder — I still find you wildly attractive. Felt important to say.

Calling it — you're the most attractive person in any room I'm in. Reaffirmed today.

I think I forgot to mention this morning that I have a thing for you. Mentioning it now.

Just so you know, you still have that completely ridiculous effect on me.

You have this look in your eye today that's making it very hard to concentrate.

You look particularly good today. So good that I think we need to celebrate it tonight.

You have a real talent for being distracting. I'd just like to confirm it's working.

You have a way of making a normal Tuesday feel like a conspiracy just for two.

You look like you're up to no good today. I'd like to join you.

You still give me that 'first date' feeling. Which is my excuse for wanting another one.

You have the exact kind of energy I need more of in my life. Especially tonight.

You look like the perfect reason for me to call in sick to work tomorrow.

You have a laugh that I would voluntarily get into trouble just to hear again.

You still look at me like that, and I'm still a complete goner for it every time.

You look like you need a drink. And me, to share it with you.

You have a certain... something... that I am still completely and utterly obsessed with.

You have an incredible ability to make me want to drop everything and be with you.

You look really great in that shirt. Let's go somewhere I can show you off.

Random confession — I've thought about you more than is statistically reasonable today. The thoughts have been reasonable. Mostly.

Confession — I rewrote this text four times. Previous three were filthier.

I had a perfectly polite version of this text. This isn't it.

Confession: my brain has been 80% you and 20% other stuff today. The ratio is worsening.

I have to admit, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to focus on work. You're to blame.

I'll be honest, my main plan for tonight involves convincing you to cancel yours.

I should be working, but I keep getting distracted by thoughts of you. It's a delightful problem.

Full disclosure: the main reason I want to see you tonight is entirely selfish.

I'm just going to say it: I miss you, and my patience for waiting is wearing thin.

It's probably bad that my first thought this morning was about how to derail your evening.

I'm supposed to be a responsible adult, but all I want is to cause some trouble with you.

My 'thinking of you' to 'actually productive' ratio is seriously skewed in your favor today.

Confession: this is me officially trying to tempt you into ditching your responsibilities.

I confess, I was just thinking about that time we... well, maybe I'll tell you later.

I'm aware this text is slightly inappropriate. The slight inappropriateness IS the move.

Disclaimer — I tend to send the cheekier version. This is that version.

Sending this with full chaos energy. You up for it?

I had a clever, subtle message typed out. Then I deleted it and wrote this instead.

This is me, officially shooting my shot. Even though I've already scored.

I'm trying to be smooth here, but mostly I just really want to see you. How'd I do?

My brain told me to say something normal. My gut told me to send this. I trust my gut.

Is this too forward? I'm going to send it anyway and find out.

Consider this your official warning that I'm in a mood to be distracting today.

I'm sending this text as a formal request for your attention later. Very formal.

Let's pretend I sent something witty and we can skip to you agreeing to see me.

My apologies in advance for how much I'm about to derail your productivity today.

I'm just going to put this out there. You, me, tonight. That's the message.

This is my attempt at being suave and suggestive. Please validate my efforts.